Do you avoid conflict or know of someone who does? It is easy to do. Most people avoid conflict because they fear its outcome. But what if I told you that conflict could actually be the catalyst that deepens your relationship? Within each conflict lies an opportunity. Here are a few of the opportunities to look for as you approach any conflict:
1) A stronger relationship– In training and coaching sessions, we like to use the phrase, “this conflict is going to make us stronger.” How would you feel about conflicts if you knew that each conflict had the potential of actually making your relationship stronger, healthier, and deeper? Feeling a bit more optimistic, I hope. Viewing the conflict from this perspective re-positions your mindset to find creative solutions to the conflict at hand. In the middle of your next conflict, try embracing the philosophy that, “this conflict is going to make us stronger,” and expect to see new results.
2) Personal growth– Conflict has a way of unleashing our hidden qualities (sometimes positive and other times negative). Conflict can often serve as a mirror to show your hidden qualities. When you discover a negative quality, you have the opportunity to change course. So use conflict as an opportunity to reveal personal character flaws and/or strengths. When you see character strengths, consider how you can encourage those strengths in others.
3) Lesson to Offer– I once had a boss that would storm into the room and chew out just about every person that was encountered when a bad mood hit. A wise mentor told me that this boss actually was giving me a gift…teaching me how not to be a boss. The mentor explained that this boss was providing a model for me that I could, if I embraced the opportunity, reflect upon for years to come and use that as my prototype for how not to be that type of leader. Reshaping the way I viewed my boss helped me through that season but also shaped how I treat others today. The conflict provided a lesson for me to live by and to offer to others. What is the conflict in your life teaching you? Embrace it.
Conflict comes in many forms but we get to choose to embrace the opportunities ready to be found.